wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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