He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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