My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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