I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
