I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
