You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
