I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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