I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
