Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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