I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
