walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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