I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Someone shit on the floor
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
