I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
