No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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