i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
