Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
