I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
