When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
