I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
