All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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