i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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