We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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