so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i've created a new STD.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
