After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
