just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
