I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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