Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
