I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
