I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
