Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
