spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drake has all the answers
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
