tell your sister to shave her snatch
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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