i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
