Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
