I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
