so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
