I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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