anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
