it's too hot outside to masturbate.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
