nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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