I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
