i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
