the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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