I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
