So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
