she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
