got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
