be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
