this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I AM VODKA MAN
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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