Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
